My husband cries every time he watches Field of Dreams. He is not a big crier. Though he's not opposed to crying, and doesn't have any kind of machismo stance against men crying, on the rare occasion that he sheds tears, it indicates that his emotions at that moment are unusually raw and that he's feeling the profundity of life in one way or another.
The crux of the story of Field of Dreams is reconciliation and healing between a father and a son. The ghost of the main character's father comes back to earth as a younger man to play baseball on a field his son built in the middle of an Iowa cornfield. The son built the field, not knowing why, but following promptings from a voice who told him, "If you build it, he will come." At the end of the movie, the man has the opportunity to invite his father to a game of catch and the two of them reconnect. There is a sense of completion and reparation to a brokenness that had been endured for years, and left unresolved because of the father's early death.
When I came home from Target on Saturday, Chris was watching the movie on
t.v. (one day prior to Father's Day) and Tyler was sitting next time him
on the couch. My two-year-old son rarely, if ever, sits still for any
length of time. When he does, it's usually because he has been
captivated by Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Elmo. But on Saturday, he sat
still next to his Daddy on the couch and watched the movie for a good 15
minutes, at least. Something about it intrigued him. What intrigued
me was the sight and implications of a tiny boy and his daddy sharing a
moment (and some chips) on the couch on a Saturday afternoon. I pointed out to Chris that Tyler was paying special attention to the movie, as if he knew that it carried an important message. He probably really didn't have a clue, and maybe he was just having an uncharacteristic lapse of activity in his normally energetic day. But as I noticed that stillness, it occurred to me that God is already doing a work through Tyler's life, and through Chris's relationship with Tyler.
Chris's relationship with his own dad is strained, at best. Jim has struggled in his addiction to alcohol since he was a young boy, and his disease has separated him from nearly everything and everyone. He just can't kick it. Chris and his brother have been forced to set boundaries and keep him at arm's length to protect themselves and their families from the inevitable hurt that would occur if they allowed themselves to become enmeshed with him as they have in the past. In spite of the situation, Chris loves his dad, and grieves the brokenness that is present in that relationship. He prays for him to get healthy and to be transformed by the power of Christ's love in his life. Jim is getting older though, and the more years that pass, the harder it is to hold out hope that such a transformation is possible. The thing that's really sad to me is that, even if he were to get sober and live out the rest of his life walking closely with God, that wouldn't repair the damage that has been done in Chris' life and heart, and wouldn't fill the fatherless hole that Chris carried from his childhood into his adulthood. Things happen to us in life, and we do our best to heal from them and learn from them and move forward, but they leave their marks on our souls. I believe my husband has some fairly dark, deep dad-shaped marks on his soul.
Jesus is The Redeemer, though. Redeemer is the one attribute of Christ that keeps my heart closer to his grace than any other can - I guess because redemption carries so much hope. The truth is that Jesus WILL redeem the broken relationship between Chris and Jim, and between fathers and sons everywhere. The redemption may not look the way we would like it to look, but God is working. He is working on Jim's heart, and he is working on Chris's heart. The work is arduous and painful and progress is slow. But every now and then, we get to have a glimpse of redemption in process. Saturday was a little glimpse for me. Tyler has a daddy who has learned from the mistakes of his father, and done his best to carry with him the positive things he received from his father, and is committed to loving Tyler very differently and much better than he was loved. That's redemption. And Tyler, though he is not aware today, is being built by God - formed and guided and disciplined and loved - and Chris has the solemn task of being a very crucial part of that. I think God wants to display through Chris and Tyler what a father-son relationship SHOULD look like. The human relationship won't be perfect, and can't be the end-all for healing and redemption for the hurts Chris has endured, but I sure do believe that God will use - in fact, is already using - Tyler to bless Chris's life and heal some of those broken places within him. And as for Tyler, his daddy will most certainly leave some marks on his soul...and they will be very, very good.
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