"Girls with no shirts on"

This morning I was driving my 3-yr-old son to preschool, as I do nearly every day.  The drive to and from school each day is actually a time I really treasure, because Tyler and I have some really good chats when we are in the car together.  Usually we are just chatting about the day ahead or behind, and the topics can vary widely.  Every now and then there is a "teaching moment" where I can take time to explain a concept to him or teach him something new about life.  More rarely, we actually get into some fairly deep territory about God and spirituality, about relationships with other people, etc.

This morning we spent almost the entire drive (10 minutes) talking about sports.  Tyler talked about playing "real baseball" and about the fireworks that go off when someone hits a home run, and about the people cheering loudly..."And, Mommy, when I play t-ball, and I hit the ball and not the tee, you will cheer loud for me?" 

As we turned the corner and approached the preschool, the topic changed to basketball and Tyler was recounting the time that he went to a Denver Nuggets game.  "And me and Daddy and Blake went to that basketball game with those girls." 

"What girls?" The only "girl" I know of in attendance that night with them was his grandma. Super curious what he's talking about.

"Those girls!  The ones that danced with no shirts on." 

Oh.  My.  Lord.   The cheerleaders.  The blasted, half-naked, dancing cheerleaders. 

Tyler and Chris went to the Nuggets game 6 months ago, when we were visiting Colorado for Christmas.  He talked excitedly about the game several times in the days and maybe weeks to follow, but never mentioned the girls without shirts in any of those conversations.  And yet, as he talks about that night now, after not mentioning it for months, what does he remember?  The girls. 

It may not seem like a big deal. I mean, they're just cheerleaders.  In a way it's sort of funny.  But I am extremely paranoid about my son's exposure to anything that is not appropriate for his age, or not appropriate at all, for anyone, of any age.  Some may say I'm too paranoid, but our little conversation this morning made my heart sink.  It was like proof that little boys SEE things, and that those things that they SEE are burned into their memories, to be retrieved months and months later.  This is a scary reality.  Now, I know that these cheerleaders were not bare-boobed.  I'm sure they were wearing some sort of bikini dance tops.  But what my son saw, and what he remembers are "girls with no shirts on."  He didn't mention their pretty faces or their cool dance moves.  

I scrambled for how to respond.  I try to keep my cool and not freak out in front of him about things having to do with sexuality.  I don't want him growing up feeling ashamed of natural, human tendencies toward curiosity and attraction.  HOWEVER,  it is of utmost importance to me that he understands how to respect others and honor their bodies, and that he understands the difference between the way each of us was created for godly, healthy sexual interaction and the corrupted, extremely dangerous barrage of images that are accessible in our world.

This world is a dangerous place for boys and men.  How can we protect our precious, innocent sons from seeing things that they can never un-see?  From being exposed to images that will live in their memories for years to come?  Seeing some pretty cheerleaders at age 2 is probably not going to ruin Tyler.  But what happens when he is 10 or 11 or 12 and a friend brings a magazine to school?  Or he sees a scene in a movie that has explicit content?  As he gets older and more independent, I will not be able to protect him all the time.  I won't be hovering over him at every moment.  Is there any way to keep him from seeing things?  No, probably not.  That's why is is imperative that he be able to navigate what he might see and process it in a healthy way without his mom or his dad there. 

What can I say to him to begin giving him the tools to live in this sexually corrupt society?  Even at 3-yrs-old, how much can he understand of what mom and dad say about it?  Will our words stick as powerfully in his brain as the image of those cheerleaders?  What would you have said this morning, if it was your son? 

Here's what I said, and even as I said it I questioned and wondered if it was the correct response.
"Tyler, those girls should have been wearing shirts!"  Tyler: "Why?"
"Because we need to be careful to keep our private parts covered.  They are our special parts and we can't just let everyone look at them.  Boys don't walk around and dance with no pants on, right?"  Tyler: "No." 
"Right.  So girls should be careful and cover up their bodies and not let everyone see.  They were wearing like swimming tops, right?"  Ty: "Yes.  But why?  They were going swimming?" 
At that point he just began asking about why they weren't wearing swim shorts and swim shirts if they were going swimming.  We moved on.  I feel I should have said more, but I don't know what.

Tyler doesn't have shame about the cheerleaders.  In his innocence, he doesn't equate intrigue over pretty girls, his own penis, mommy's boobies, etc. with anything corrupt or shameful.  To him these things are not qualified as bad or wrong, and therefore he can openly talk to me about them. 
But the day will come.  The day will come when his inner voice tells him that what he is looking at is something he shouldn't be looking at. The image he is seeing is not one that is honoring another person's body. When that moment occurs, will I have equipped him to process through it and walk away from it? 

I pray fervently that God will give my husband and me wisdom and insightful words to share with our sons as they grow up.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will walk with us as we have conversations and give us the words that our boys need to hear.  I pray that He will walk with them as they grow up, and that, even though they will never be completely protected from seeing corrupt images, they will be able to look away and choose not to allow those images to flood their minds and cloud their hearts.  The condition of our world is, sadly, not going to change.  With technology being what it is and going where it's going, things will only get worse.  Pornography and other inappropriate things will only be more accessible as time goes on.  There is so much that is out of our control as parents, and when I think about it I feel quite powerless.  I am committed, though, to do whatever I can to prepare my children to live as redeemed children of God in the midst of a broken world.